i was thinking..

what if what has happened before never happened? would it stay that way?

what if everything from then until now are still the same? would it last?

what if i never screwed up? would that person screw me?

what if i was never screwed? would i screw up then?

what if everything never changed from the last time i felt great? would i be satisfied?

what if i had the chance to change everything that has happened in the past? would it work?

what if i could fix all the damage done? can she forgive?

what if she would still be with me? would i still be happy?

what if we loved each other more that we used to? would it be better that way?

what if i was given the chance? would i change?


what if?

and why the hell am i asking these questions??
she crossed my mind..




du-uh

what the hell am I going to do next?

i'm lost...

The Birthday

It's 1:03 a.m. at hindi ako mapakali so i thought to put it in
typing. Just want to tell you guys what happened last saturday.
It was uber-fun.

Sooo here I go

Sad to say, it's Krisi's last birthday celebration here. So I
thought that she could celebrate but the money's going to come
from her friends' pockets. The problem is, she can't celebrate
at her place so i volunteered so she could invite her friends
at my house.. The head count was 25 people including I. So i
thought;

WHAT THE FLUFF!!

I wasn't sure kasi kung kakasya mga ganun karaming tao dito sa
bahay eh. My mom told me pa na kailangan sa terrace lang daw sila.
Wag daw pakalat-kalat. Haha.

I told Krisi to tell her friends na 8 ang start kasi I attended
a meeting. Para pagkatapos nung meeting, makakabalik na ako kagad
sa bahay para salubungin mga tao-tao.. Pero hinde eh, napatagal
ako kasi late na nagumpisa yung talk. Anyways, natapos na ng 9
ng gabi. So late na late na ako. Shet! Nakakahiya kasi.
Bahay ko tapos wala pa ako dun. Nung nakarating ako, Sakto lumabas
si Cap ng gate. Feel ko tuloy namimiss na nya ako kasi naghintay
pa sa labas para abangan ata ako.

Eh hinde eh. Nagyosi lang pala.

Ayun ulit, pagkapasok ko, para akong artista, yung mga hirit;

Ryan: Taena mo Dan ang tagal mo naman.

Joma: Taena ka san ka ba nanggaling?

Grabe no? Kesa sabihin nalang na parang "Uy! nakarating ka na!
Kumain ka na ba? Dami pang pagkain. Pakilala pala kita kay..."
Taena pala ako eh. Hahahaha!

Krisi: Oh eto na ang may-ari ng bahay!

Dan: SINO KAYO?!?!? ANUNG GINAGAWA NYO DITO?!?!?

Shempre tawa sila. Hindi nila matanggian ang aking charisma eh.
At wag na kayong humirit. Minsan lang. Keep your comments to
yourself. Hehe.

So pinakilala sila sa akin, pero ang pangalan lang na naalala ko
ay si "Roxanne" pa ata. Hindi pa ako sure. Yung dalawa binigyan ko
nalang ng codename. Tulad ni "Pink One" at ni "Brown Two".
Sa aking pagkaka-alala, si Brown Two yung lasing na raw nung nasa bahay.
tapos si Pink One yung tumaanggi sa alak nung inaabot ni Joanne
(did i spell your name correctly?) pero bigla nalang humagod at
nakisabay na sa pag inom. Si Joanne pala, mga limang beses na ata
pinakilala sa akin, kasi nung nakakasama ko pa si Mira, tatlong beses
na nya ata ako napakilala sa kanya. The fourth time was when I went
to Krisi's place to drink. Ryan, Cap and Joma was there din. Pinakilala
ulit ako kay Joanne tapos yun.. Last night yung Fifth. Haha.

Sorry Pink One and Brown Two because I still can't remember your names.
Si Roxanne lang naaalala ko. Hindi rin ako sigurado kung yun talaga ang
kanyang name. So haha nalang at heehee.

The food was great. The pancit, the lechon, the pahabol pizza, the beer,
the El Hombre, the cigarettes, the little Martini, Everybody. Nagulat
lang ako na ganun yung bilang ng tao, I really thought lalampas sa 15
yung guests. But i think it's better that way. Maganda yung circulation
ng alak. Everything just went great. Almost perfect. Hindi lang kasi
umulan ng pera at hindi ako nakakita ng fairies, mga unicorns, at
oompa loompas. Hindi rin ako sure sa spelling na yan.

So yun na ata nangyari last night. It was fun. Sa mga hindi pumunta,
sa dahilan na ganito o ganyan, Hindi nyo nakita yung mga dancers,
clowns, mga elephant, tapos mga giraffe pa. Hindi kayo nakasakay sa
rollercoaster.

To Joanne,
Sorry kung napaso kita ng yosi, at talagang pina-alala mo pa sa akin
kanina (sa mass) na magsorry ako. Whenever I'll see you, lagi ako
magsosorry sayo for the ouch thingy. haha! At yung hair mo, half
straight and half curly.. Amazing! Pero yung name ng friend mo,
si Camille, I remembered it in an instant. Don't know why. Ang dami
ko na kasing kilalang Camille eh. haha. Basta sorry. At yung bracelet,
binigay mo sa akin tapos inarbor mo. hahaha! Just Kidding.

So yun, That is what happened.. End end na.

Panalo pala si Pacquiao. Within 3 rounds.. Galing.
Magpapasikmura ako kay Manny.

The Blog that was supposed to be last night.

How my last entry read, i am confused and crap. So I asked for some advice which I do not do. It's weird listening to someone or asking for help in times of need. I'm just not used to it. I just usually tell stories and that's it.

Eh yung nakwentuhan ko, pinangaralan ako. Thanks Farah.

Tama nga naman diba?

Maybe it's all just a test.

But maybe if it isn't and it would all end up like how players play and people get played.

Now i know what i to reply to that question.

"Ibibigay ko pa rin lahat shempre. Para hindi na ako yungmay kulang, pero kung hindi pa sapat yun, bakatalagang hindi kami para sa isa. It's worth the risk."

Sabi ko nga..

Taking risks is a part of life. You wouldn't know if something is good or bad untill you take that risk right?

So yun..

Ganun eh. Anong gagawin ko ngayon? May pasok pa ako mamaya. Gusto ko sya makita pero hindi pwede. Kailangan ko na pumasok. Gusto ko kulitin pero baka maasar. Gusto ko, gusto ko, gusto ko... haha! wala lang.

Pakshet talaga.
Pero okay lang.
Salita ako ng salita.
Ngayon kailangan kong tuparin.
Mahirap pero okay nga lang.
Kaya ko naman magtiis eh.
Ako pa?!?
Gusto ko magreklamo.
Pero hindi talaga pwede eh.
Salita ako ng salita nga naman.
Ayoko ng ganun.
Ngayon lahat titiisin ko.
Sana sya nalang.
Ayoko na ng iba.
Pero kung hindi parin.
Kakantutin nanaman ako ng kamalasan.
Haaaay...
Mahirap kasi.
Ayoko ng papalit-palit.
Ayoko ng palipat-lipat.
Gusto ko sya nalang.
Kaya kailangan talaga magtiis.
Dan gago ka kahit kailan.
Magbago ka para sa kanya.
Pakita mo nalang na mahalaga sya sayo.
Kahit na walang mangyayari.
Pakita mo na mahalaga sya sayo.
Drama mo ungas.
Tumigil-tigil ka na.
Hindi ko kaya!
Pindot ng pindot mga daliri ko.
Taenaaa!!!
Stop it!!!
Topak nanaman ako..





















I miss her...
Sobra...

Here I am, typing what isn't supposed to be read by other people.. But i don't care anymore. I'm Just having a hard time thinking through things that has been happening with me..

I thought it was all fine. I was feeling great for the past weeks and I do not fucking know what the hell i'm experiencing right now!!

i'm getting so God-damned frustrated at myself..

it's just sad.

Anyhow, I went to u.p. to attend mass. Met up with Fred there.

Then I sent a message to Cap. He was with Moe in Bar-Ko. So after all the blessings, I went there to see them drinking. I ordered beer for myself, then Von came with Aldrich. Then Yale dropped by. We drank beer, I ordered food for us then went to Mister Kabab to have dinner with Von, Cap, and Aldrich.

After eating, labas kami ni Cap para magyosi. Usap-usap.

Tapos yun. Uwi na..

That's what happened the whole day..

So here i am, typing anything that comes to my mind..

It's just that, i'm confused right now.. I like her alot and i do not know if she would even give a rats ass about me.. I shouldn't think this way because it'll look like that i'm expecting too much and i don't want her to think of me that way. I am happy when i'm with her. I like being around her. I know she's such a different person compared to me. In a way, we're totallydifferent.

But that's what i like about her. We're different.

She might be my better half. The one who would fill every gap in my so called life.

...

DAMNIT! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!

I can't help it. I don't know what to do next. It's hard not to expect anything. I'm trying not to. Or rather i'm being retarded about it..

SHIT!!

A friend asked, "Edi pag may bago ka na, malamang hindi mo na bibigay lahat no?"

And you know what???

Up to now, I still don't know what to reply to that..

It's just pathetic.

Loraine's

Last night was Loraine's birthday celebration,so there we was, Cap, Joma, Fred and I met and it was too early to go there yet so we all agreed to stay in the meatshop para mauna na sa inom-inom.

After two beers each and the usual pulutan, i called Loraine to ask where the celebration would be held.

It was really fakthap. The place was i think, 34 steps away from where we were. So malamang tawa kami ng tawa kasi we thought it was still far away.

So we reached the place and only a handfull of people was there at first. Niloko pa ako nung FEU friend ni Loraine.

Ayun, the usual kulitan nung dumating na kami dun,kumain kami then hanap beer tapos hanap beer ulit tapos the ususal routine, smoke our lungs out. Then dumating nayung ibang gerls na nangtrip ng candles. They lit the candles and put it on the pool para may semi-sentimental effect to the atmosphere of the place. Oh diba?

As usual, o.p. mode ako at first kasi kausap ni Cap si Melayni tapos si Joma kausap si Lee sa phone. Pero dumating si Gerarldo, ang aking kaibigan sa kasalanan. Haha! Kami naman yung nagusap. Nakikinig si Heather nung naguusap kami tapos hirit nya;

Heather: Dan! Hindi mo nasabi yung detail na yun ah!!!

*me makes tawa*

So i thought that if i left first before Gerarldo, maybe things would be different. But no need to ponder on things that wouldn't make any different right? It's bullshit.

So ayun, I went to the toilet tapos si Karel nag toilet din, usap kami habang nagwiwiwi. Haha! What a place to talk..

Karel: Musta naman si Nica?

Dan: Okay lang sya. She's with her cousin and her friends ata.

Karel: Bakit ata?

Dan: I have no idea.

Then konting salita pa ako tapos lumabas na ako sa toilet..

There are just some things in this world that you shouldn't try to understand because if you do, you'll just get confused and leave you asking, "What the hell just happened?".

I kept it to myself. Rather than asking "again" for help since i wouldn't even listen if i ever did get a useful one.

I came to the point na nagkwekwentuhan na kami ni Heather, kung anu ginagawa namin tuwing nagkikita kami.

Kulang pa yung nakwento ko, sorry Heather, eh kasi nababasa na ako. Actually binabasa ko na sarili ko para hindi na ako magreklamo tuwing may lumalangoy na parang galit na balyena. Eksads sa paglangoy eh. Pumapadyak na, may kembot pang kasama tapos kalahating freestyle at kalahating breast stroke ang gawa. Hahahaha!

So yun, konting upo at ubos ng mga natitirang beer. Then uwi na.

Pagkarating ko dito, I tried to wait for a message on my phone.

After a couple of hours, i decided to sleep.

it was 6 a.m.

For the first time, i didn't know if i worry at the right moment. Realizing that, i wasn't really sure if i was just really worrying or just being stupid.

crap

Anu ba nangyari ngayon?

Gumising ako ng maaga, six a.m. kasi may pinagusapan kami na pumuntang u.p. para mag excercise tuwing umaga,tuwing umaga, tuwing umaga, mag excercise tayo tuwing umaga para happy-happy pakyushetkaaaaa.

So there i was, lying on my bed at around six, two phone alarms ain't enough to wake me up so our help woke me.

Bumangon naman ako, then just sat beside my bed for about five minutes, tapos ayun, i lay down for a while because i was still feeling sleepy..

I was playing football with Nica, Fred and Joma. Ang saya-saya namin kasi enjoy talaga. Pasahan ng bola, habulan, kulitan at yun, upo tapos kwentuhan.

EH NAGISING AKO!!!

Taena nananaginip lang pala ako, tapos 7:30 na!!! So tinawagan ko kagad si Joma para pa-gising sa help nila then i called Nica kasi she told me if i did not wake up, she's going to get angry and beat the shit out of me. So ayun, nasa Visayas avenue na pla sya. So i went to the bathroom na kagad para makahabol sa oras..

While i was taking a dump, si Nica dumating na, dala-dala yung shorts na hinihiram ko. Exited kasi.. Tapos nun, sinundo nanamin si Joma, naginternet sandali, o2 jam, then went to u.p.

In u.p., naghanap kami ng pwesto kung san pwede na maglaro. Ayun, nakakita naman kami tapos sobrang luwag ng field! sulok yung ginagamit ng mga tao dun. Eh tatlo lang kami kasi sabi ni Fred na hindi na sya makakasama kasi may meeting daw sya.

So yun, sisipa dapat ako ng bola from a distance, tapos sinugod ako ni Joma, edi yun, habulan kami.. Umpisa lang yan. Pagkatapos nun, pagod na pagod na kagad kami. hahaha!!! Si Nica hindi pa tapos mag-ayos ng shoe lace.. Sabi ko sa kanya na pag natapos sya dun pagod na pagod na kami.. Eh nagkatotoo..

hingal na hingal na ako, bumili ako ng tubig para sa amin..

pagkabalik ko sa field, hanap ko si Nica kasi namiss ko kaagad sya.. eto yung dialogue namin ni Joma,

Dan: Asan na si Nica?

Joma: Nag-jo-jogging.

*hanap ko naman sya, hindi ko alam na naka black sya na jersey*

*tingin ako sa malayo*

Dan: Asan sya?

Joma: Ayun oh! (turo sa malayo)

Dan: Sya yun?

*nakita si Nica parang na-stuck sa isang lugar, nakikipag-habulan ata sa tutubing karayom, ewan.. nagpapatintero, kalaban yung hangin*

Joma: oo! na-stuck ata sa putikan.

*tingin sa direction ni Nica, natatawa na sa kanya kasi nandun parin sya sa pwesto nya, tinatalunan ata yung mga talahib.*

Dan: wawa naman sya. hehe.

So ayun. Pagod na pagod na kami ni Joma, si Nica parang robot eh. Hinahagod yung hangin para makatakbo pa..

Sorry kung wala kaming kwenta kasama ni Joma sa ating exercise. Isang sipa palang ng bola hingal na kagad kami eh. haha!

Pagkatapos naman nun, nilakad namin galing sunken garden hanggang Ababu para kumain.. Tanghaling tapat so pakshet yung sikat ng araw.

Taena ang haba na nito! After eating, we all went home to take a bath, rest ,then my brother woke me up, Nica went to visit me. Then we ate, kwentuhan, and as usual, I had a great time with her..

yickeee!

*Dan slaps himself*

For the record, nag-goalee ako tapos si Nica sa kick-off.
na-block ko yung bola gamit kamay ko pero dumulas ata tapos tumama sa feys ko.

anlabo.

masaket malamang..